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Health & Fitness

A Graduation Speech I'd Love to Hear

We've all heard the same graduation speeches time and again. Here's a different take on it.

Graduates, it is an honor to be addressing you today. I hope that you find something worthwhile in what I have to say, or that at least that you’ll be kind enough not to bounce the beach ball around until I’m done.

Over my lifetime of attending graduations, I have listened to scores of graduation speeches. It is remarkable to me that one can attend graduations at so many different schools and hear the same graduation speech, the same platitudes and banality, with minor variations on the theme. I’ll go through them quickly now so those of you who came to hear them won’t leave disappointed:

  • you are all the future
  • your future starts now
  • watching you grow from slightly lost freshman
  • four years have flown by
  • don’t forget your school and all the friends you made here
  • high school has been the best part of your life
  • etc., etc., etc.

So … now that’s out of the way and we can get down to what I’d like to say to you.

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Life is hard. Let me say that again. Life is hard. Now this may seem like a strange way to start a graduation speech, but it’s the big elephant in the middle of the football field that most people don’t want to talk about.

Life will sometimes be complicated and messy. You will find yourself in situations where no alternative looks good. At times like those, step back and be still long enough to listen to the part of you that knows what to do, before you make your decision. If you cultivate that ability, you will find that you can make good decisions and avoid the suffering that inevitably accompanies bad ones.

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Ask your parents how many of their high school friends they’re still in touch with. Odds are it’s a small number. And it’s not just because they’re old. They could have given you the same answer five years after graduation. Life is about continuous change, and how we learn to handle that change will define us.

For those of you going away to college, you will have the freedom to make almost all of your own choices in all sorts of contexts. You’ll generally have easy access to alcohol, drugs and sex (well, access to sex may not always be easy) and the temptation to participate in them all as quickly as possible. Many of you already have. Proceed with caution. There is a big difference between having a couple of beers and drinking until you’re wasted; a big difference between a hit on a joint and doing lines in the bathroom.

Despite the impression that everything is new for each generation, the choices you’ll face are the same ones your parents did. And we made choices all along the spectrum. Some turned out great, others formed habits we still can’t shake. If your parents aren’t comfortable talking to you about their experiences, find another adult who will. You may find it enlightening.

Thank your teachers, even if you didn’t like them. You learned something from each of them, and they helped inform your life. For the teachers you really liked, give them a great big hug. They worked their tails off for you.

Thank your parents, your family, your friends and your enemies. Each of them has helped shape you and they all did the best they could, even if their best was not what you really needed. Forgive those who need forgiving and ask for forgiveness from those you have harmed.

And keep this in mind as your holding that joint: Someone along the way — from the point the seed was planted to the point that you lit it — might have died violently as a result of the efforts to get that joint in your hands. Was it worth it?

If you have concerns that something might not be the best choice for you, listen to yourself. The fact that you are asking yourself the question means you already have your doubts.

If you are going to college, take some classes that are completely different than those required, just for the fun of it. If you’re an English major, find an introduction to physics class. If you’re pre-med, take a poetry class. Whatever strikes your fancy and piques your interest. While it may not be immediately apparent, classes like these will help round you as an individual and may stimulate a life-long interest in learning about things not on your career path.

Over the course of your life, you will meet people you deem superior to you and people you deem inferior. Comparisons will only keep you from seeing things as they really are.

Attend live performances and enjoy things in real time.

Pay attention to what’s going on in your community, state, country and the world. It is important to be knowledgeable. You may not think it affects you, but it does, in very real ways. Any your knowledge, and what you do with that knowledge, will have a real affect as well, on your life and the lives of other people you will never meet.

Be a voracious reader. You can laugh, cry, learn and truly feel, in the comfort of your own chair.

When you’re in a traffic jam, remember that you are a contributing member. All those other people did not take to the road just to slow you down.

Learn to play a musical instrument, even if it just shaking maracas.

The next time you watch a sporting event, don’t take sides. See it as if you have no desire or need for a specific outcome. You’ll find that you see an entirely different game, and you’ll be able to enjoy the efforts of everyone.

Be kind to everyone you meet. No matter how their circumstances compare to your own, we all have difficulties in our lives and kindness truly helps. Your ability and willingness to be kind will also define you.

Give to charity to help those more unfortunate as you. If you have $50 to spare and donation requests from the symphony and an abused women’s shelter, choose the women’s shelter. Your dollars will go toward easing the suffering of others.

Be a blood donor, and do it six times a year. All it costs is your time, and you are directly contributing to the health of others. If you’re concerned about being cool, blood donors are the epitome of cool.

Find friends who will be honest with you and do the same for them. You don’t have to do what they suggest, but at least you’ll go with your eyes open.

Eat with your health in mind. An 18-year-old body feels like it can handle all the junk you can put into it and those fries can taste awfully good when you have the munchies at two in the morning. Everything that goes into your mouth will affect you later on in life. Eat healthy things and you’ll carry that good health through your life. Eat poorly and it can eventually get you to the point where being healthy is a struggle and comes at a high cost.

Don’t smoke. If you are a smoker now, find the support you need to quit. Nothing good has ever come from cigarettes. Nothing. Google a list of ingredients in cigarettes that can cause disease. I did. It’s a long and scary list. And besides, the number of people who might kiss you plummets if you are a smoker.

Be a volunteer your whole life. It feels great and it contributes to a healthier world.

Exercise. Your body will love you for it.

Go outside a lot. It can be harder to have a greater understanding of the world if you’re not out there in it.

Men: Use condoms. Women: Insist that the men use condoms.

Explore your spiritual side, in whatever form that takes. It can help you when life gets a little out of control. Don’t assume your form of spiritually is good for everyone. It’s not about what you believe in your heart, it’s about what they believe in theirs.

Dare to be a geek. It’s a lot more fun than it looks.

Don’t try to change anyone. It can’t be done. The only person you can change is yourself. Make that a lifelong process of exploration and action.

Don’t let yourself fall into the delusion that you don’t need others; that you can do it all yourself. Think of your last meal. Someone seeded the ground that someone cultivated. Someone watered the crops. Someone harvested them. Many people were in the chain that got the food onto your plate. The produce packer; the trucker who hauled the food to market; the store manager who placed the order; the person who put the food out in the store; the cashier who exchanged their goods for your money; everyone who constructed the roads that you and the truckers drive on; everyone who designed, built and distributed the car you used to drive home the food; the people who created or enforce safety laws to ensure your best chance of getting home without incident and eating food that won’t make you sick. It takes all of these people in a long chain just to have that food end up on your table. Those folks deserve your respect and your gratitude.

Think about the life that you are seeking. How will you make your contribution to the chain?

There a some you who hated high school, and for that I am truly saddened. Whether it was finding academics a struggle, being the least athletic in PE class or being invisible in the middle of a crowd, it would be a disservice to try to make it sound like everyone had a great time. My hope for you is that you don’t give up. My prayer for you is that you will find a place of acceptance and happiness on your own terms.

To those of you graduates who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender ... to those of you who were able to be out at school and find acceptance ... my heart is filled with joy for you. For those of you who felt you could not come out, or experienced pain and suffering when you did, my heart is filled with sadness. To all of you who experienced discrimination based on your gender, race, body shape, accent, etc., I look forward to a day when that no longer needs to be said.

And finally, I offer you the most important piece of advice anyone will ever give you:

Never look down on the people in the chess club. Chances are they’ll be the surgeons years later who hold your life in their hands. And they have long memories.

May your life unfold with ease and happiness. I love you.

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