The Power To Choose

     After my surgery for breast cancer, I tried to decode my pathology report. I noticed that it contained a nuclear grade of 3. By this time, I’d figured out that higher numbers were bad news. The nuclear grade is based on the nucleus of the cancer cell, which is where the DNA lives. The grade shows the degree of abnormality within the DNA. The grades usually run from 1 to 3, with grade 3 being the most abnormal. Because I had a grade 3 cancer, even though it was caught at an early stage, my doctor recommended chemotherapy.

     At this point I was feeling, shall we say, “less than strong.” There was so much input, so many opinions. There was advice from the surgeon, a meeting with an oncologist, and a second opinion to be obtained. Conventional wisdom says a lumpectomy (tumor is removed) is followed by radiation treatment. An aggressive high-grade tumor, which I had, points toward chemotherapy. It becomes clear that several months will be eaten up with treatments, recoveries, and more treatments.

     I grieved for the time I would lose and the pain I would experience. I was angry at having been chosen by fate to be made into an alien. I felt like a leper, marked. I wanted someone to tell me definitively what the right course of treatment would be, and that the cancer would absolutely be gone. I didn’t feel qualified to choose the next steps.

     I asked others what they had done and what their experiences were. I found that no two cancers are alike. No one can say, “You are exactly like me in every way. Follow my path, and it will be right for you.”

     If I’ve learned anything from my cancer experience it is to have the courage to make my own choices, to believe in my power to choose correctly, and to have faith that I have the intelligence and resourcefulness to do the right thing for myself and my family.