Nothing Can Scare Me Now: Managing Breast Cancer So It Doesn't Manage You

One gentle April two of my sisters-in-law flew out to Northern California for a family wedding. As we were chatting one night over dinner, the talk turned to matters of health. My husband’s sisters are both about 15 years older than I am. They have an assortment of ailments. I was pretty pleased that, having arrived at my “mature” middle years, I was in perfect health. And I said as much.

“That’s when it starts,” said one sister-in-law. I joked at the time that she’d put a hex on me.

Six months later in early October there I stood with my diagnosis of breast cancer. I called family members to let them know as soon as I heard the news. I telephoned a friend in my book club who’d “been there” and had offered advice should I need her. I cried an ocean of tears and woke up sweating every night.

Five days after my diagnosis I decided I couldn’t handle it alone. I started a blog, which ultimately evolved into Nothing Can Scare Me Now: Managing Breast Cancer So It Doesn’t Manage You.

I’d intended to start a website anyway. It was going to be about my experiences in writing my historical novel. After five years of writing and research, the novel was just completed and in the copy-editing stage. But where to begin? What would I say?

When I received the breast cancer diagnosis, I had plenty to say. I needed moral support and reached out for help. Then I wanted to thank those who’d rallied to my side. When I thought to stop writing the blog, my surgeon said, “I think it will be helpful to other people.” So I kept going.

I tried to muster the courage I’d given Sophia, the main character in my novel, The Still Voice, as I battled the cancer. Sophia is a girl growing up in Germany during World War II who is kidnapped and held by the Gestapo. To avenge what happens to her as a young girl, she embarks on bold acts of sabotage with a resistance group called the Edelweiss Pirates.

Some days I was successful in drawing upon that courage. Some days not. The result is a chronological compilation of inspirational stories, nutritional and medical information learned firsthand, and thoughts about the people and books that comforted me during my very personal war on cancer.

One thing that amazed me during the course of my journey was how often people wrote to tell me they found me strong and inspiring. I think I was neither. I cried often and railed against my fate. I was alternately petulant and angry. But there were times when I was more positive, grateful for the good things in my life. I’ve tried to put only that which I think might benefit others into this book.

Nothing Can Scare Me Now is not intended to dispense medical advice. It is not clinical in nature. The book is designed to give the patient and her loved ones comfort and insight into ways to manage breast cancer. It is for every mother, daughter, wife, father, son, or husband whose life has been turned upside down by the disease.

Breast cancer is epidemic. One in eight women will have it. I do not want my sister to go through what I have, nor my friends and contemporaries. To that end, a portion of the proceeds from this book will be donated to eradicating breast cancer. We must find a cure in our lifetime.