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Porn, Trench Coats and the S.F. Library

Best fundraiser ever!

I heard on the news last week that the San Francisco public libraries are offering computer covers for their patrons who are viewing Internet pornography, to insure privacy.

My first thought was (the First Amendment notwithstanding, of course!), with all the library closings and cutbacks, the money spent on these thingies could be better used elsewhere.

My second thought was much more graphic, but not in the way you might think.

I can’t draw a whit, but if I could, here’s what I would see as a great cartoon for this very PATCH:

A (1) man with a (2) trench coat (yep, I see them both — sorry guys, not a lady in view when it comes to library porn-viewing), waits in line to ask for his Internet porn protector cover from the librarian. There are a few kids in front of him, an old lady on a cane, and staggered between, a few other guys in trench coats. (I profoundly apologize in advance to London Fog, but a vision is a vision, and trench coats are indubitably in my vision.)

He advances, eventually gets his thingy and heads to the computers where there are all sorts of people working and typing — and a few guys with computer covers installed, busy looking at things. Of course everyone in the room knows what these guys are doing: not an iota of doubt. The new guy is feeling a little flummoxed and might I say, embarrassed, which is a new emotion for the porn-viewing at the library guy, who never had to deal with this reveal before.

Meanwhile, a few kids nearby question their father, “Can we get one of those computer thingies, Dad?” Dad is flummoxed, naturally. Not sure what to say, Dad leaves it up to the librarian, because his kid has already made it to the front of the line and most politely asks for an internet computer cover.

The librarian is completely flummoxed yet, believing profoundly in full equality, she hands a computer cover to the kid, who immediately puts it on the computer they have reserved.

A lot of passerby’s are now staring at the kids and the dad and the dad is starting to sweat, which makes him look somewhat like a guilty kid himself, who got caught with some girly magazines under his bed. (When he was 12.)

The dad returns the cover and throws a nice donation into the Friends of the Library contribution jar. The flummoxed new guy does the same thing and tosses in a fifty hoping to redeem himself in the world of library anonymity. The rest of the trench-coaters have had enough peering eyes and follow suit.

Before long there’s not a cover left on a computer and a nice fat wad of cash in the donation jar.

Who says this venture was money not well spent!?

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Tina McMillan July 31, 2012 at 02:42 AM
Christine: Thank you for the chuckle. The question in my mind is, "Why are the computers in our public libraries being used to view pornography?" Does that mean libraries also supply copies of Playboy and Hustler magazines? What about all the computer STD's? Do the guys using the porn sites have to run antispyware and antivirus programs after infecting the computers? It just seems like a terrible waste of public money to let anyone use a library computer to get their jollies in this particular manner. Don't tell me the ACLU is behind this….
Victoria Castro July 31, 2012 at 07:25 AM
I have read Fifty Shades of Grey fifty times in the San Rafael Library. I did not dare order the book and have it sent home where my kids could see it. I have also seen Magic Mike fifty times. I deserve an award of sorts.
Karina Ioffee July 31, 2012 at 03:16 PM
This could easily be dealt with by blocking all sites with "adult related content." Not sure why the library hasn't done that.

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