Family Road Trip Tips from a Novato Dad

Being a veteran survivor of a number of family road trips, it only seems fitting to pass along some of these experiences to my fellow parents. Though the configurations of families vary, these tips are generally applicable to fit the gender and age make up of most any household. 

NASA would be hard-pressed to come up with a simulation that nears the real-life close quarters experiences of a family road trip.  Venturing out upon the highways for the better part of a day in a four-wheeled capsule can certainly be an adventure, even if you never leave orbit. Sometimes the mere sight of an ice chest full of space food, i.e. carrot sticks, apples and water can stir apprehension of the challenges ahead. 

My crew is advised to bring a limited number of CDs or an iPod playlist that contains music considered mutually acceptable to all. Tip: No song should have a bass line that causes the vehicle’s wheels to leave the ground. 

Houston Control likely receives fewer messages from orbiting vehicles per day than what my girls text in an hour. Tip: Texting status reports to beings outside the capsule should be limited to the top 3 BFFs and Grandma. Just as airlines prohibit the use of cell phones until cruising altitude is reached, so should this rule apply to terrestrial based capsules in route to vacation destinations. Choose the cruising altitude that suits you best. 

P-Stops must be coordinated so that we are not pulling over at the whim of a ticklish bladder. Tip: When the car needs to refuel, passengers can also de-fuel. 

Waving at cute guys on the freeway while Dad is driving is forbidden.  It is also forbidden when your mother is driving. It is also forbidden when the girls are driving, which is about four years from now. Tip: Don’t wave, kids. 

Games that involve license plates, state capitols and arm punching are very distracting. Tip: Prohibit any variation of the road trip game called Punch-Buggy. This one is popular on school field trips.  (Whoever spots a VW Bug first gets to punch the other players in the arm.) 

Speaking in code while in the presence of parental units is not cool.  Tip: “Milkshake” = really cute guy, “Ketchup” = cute guy, “Fries” = guy, “Salt”= not so cute guy, “Mustard” =  … well, you get the picture. 

Hopefully your own road trips can be enhanced by some of these tips and experiences.  As with most vacations with kids these days, it’s not about the journey, it’s the destination and getting there doesn’t have to be less than half the fun.